The Aftermath

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Okay, okay. I didn't mean to get everyone all worked up, but I wanted to let you share in my outrage at the events on the opening end of this story.

Now let me calm you all down and whisper "there, there, everything will be okay."

Everything was okay. Everything IS okay. It's just, you know, with limited information (especially as a parent) you tend to go down the Path of Panic pretty easily, right?

So back to the story. Several of you questioned why I didn't pound someone's door down to get answers that night. Honestly, while I certainly wanted to know the details of what had occurred, I was giving the school the benefit of the doubt. I've worked in the public school system for a few years as a teacher and I know how crazy parents can get when they don't have the whole story. We love our elementary school and both M and K have great teachers. I'm as involved as I can be, in PTA and helping out when I can and all that. I wouldn't let my kids go to a school I didn't feel good about.

That being said, it gets a little worse before it gets better.

So Wednesday morning, I called the school to get the skinny. The lady in the front office who answered the phone didn't do anything to appease me. In fact she really put me on high alert. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Hi, my daughter is in Ms. X's class and she told me last night that she had been called up to the office to talk to someone about personal things, like where it is and is not appropriate to touch...?

Lady: Oh dear, I just knew I'd be getting calls about this.

Me: So she was, in fact, pulled out of class to speak with someone about this?

Lady: Yes, he pulled a few little girls out of class yesterday. But just so you know, it was a police officer.

Me: I was not informed that this would be happening and I have to say I'm not happy at all that my daughter was pulled out of class to speak with a police officer about such personal things. I'd like to speak with the principal please.

Lady: I'm sorry, both the principal and the vice-principal are off campus today for training. What a great day to be off campus, huh? You know, I kept saying to the other girls up here, why aren't their parents being notified??

(note to self--chatty secretary on the phone)

Me: Okay, well, who can I speak with about this??

Lady: The principal and vice-principal are really the only ones who know anything. I'm sorry.

Since I could tell she was on my side and that she didn't like the way things had gone down either, I started asking questions.

**Word to the wise, all you parents out there who have never worked in a school: front office staff generally know everything there is to know about every person and every event that happens at school. They have to pretend that they don't know so much, and they also have to be careful what they say, but believe me: THEY KNOW.**

So I found out how many girls had been "interviewed." Five. She then went on to tell me that there had been some kind of an "incident" but she didn't know what it was exactly. It stemmed from a parent complaint. She gave me a whole bunch of opinions and I left my number for the principal to call me ASAP, but then I had to go because my preschool kids were about to arrive. I called Jeff to give him what info I had gathered. Honestly, at this point I was alarmed because I didn't know if the "incident" had involved an adult or not. We have a couple of friends who are police officers and I thought Jeff was going to call them to question what the protocol was and maybe find out who we could talk to to get some answers.

Apparently after getting off the phone with me Jeff was just plain mad and HE called the school and demanded that he be given the officer's name and badge number. (Duh, why didn't I think of that?) He then called the police department directly to talk to the officer. The officer worked swing shift and wouldn't get in until that afternoon. But Jeff did talk to an officer who looked up K's name to see if she was connected with anything, and there was no record of her. Good news---unless the interviewing officer hadn't yet filed his complete report. Jeff and I planned for me to go up to the school as soon as preschool was over and pull K out of class and ask more pointed questions--our biggest concern was that SHE might have been involved in the "incident"--whatever it was--and we wanted to make sure she was okay.

About 11:30 I got a call from the principal of the school. I was still teaching preschool and didn't recognize the number so he left a message for me to call him on his cell phone to discuss yesterday's events (points for the principal--I told you we have a good school!)

When I returned his call right after preschool, he explained that a police officer had shown up at the school because a parent had filed a complaint (with the POLICE) and he had to follow up on it. The principal wanted to talk to the kids first (because he KNOWS them) but the officer said that no, that would taint the investigation. The principal said that once the police show up, they supersede his authority and there was nothing that he could do. The officer said that HE would contact the parents. The principal, again to his credit, expressed to me his frustration with the system as it is and encouraged me to let higher-ups in the school district know what had happened because he had already expressed his frustration.

While the principal wasn't in the room with the officer and the students, the interviews took place right next door to his office and he could hear what was being said. The good news: there were no adults involved and K wasn't involved either; the reason she was called up is because she is friends with a couple of little girls who were involved. "Involved" in what? Apparently they (the two little girls) were in the bathroom together and there was some innocent (yet inappropriate) behavior taking place ("doctor" or you-show-me-and-I'll-show-you type of stuff).

Should the little girls be talked to by adults about this? Yes. Should the POLICE be called in to investigate?

Um, I'm sorry, but NO.

Call the school , speak to the other parent, but call the police? Let's work on progressive steps, people!

After talking with the principal, I felt much better and we decided that I didn't need to storm the school after all.

Once the officer did call Jeff back (ten minutes after his shift started, by the way), he confirmed all this and apologized for not notifying us in a more timely manner. Jeff, who, in a circumstance such as this, is pretty hard to please and appease, got off the phone with the officer and was actually quite impressed with him.

So bottom line, K's fine. All's well that ends well. A mountain was made out of a molehill. Blah, blah, blah.

HOWEVER: I think there should be some strict guidelines and steps to follow when police need to talk to kids about things that occur at school. Parents should be notified; if not before, then immediately after. I understand that there is a benefit to an investigation to not let parents get "involved" and freak kids out or put ideas into their heads before an officer talks to them. I watch SVU! But still.