Dear PTA Moms,

This afternoon as I arrived a few minutes before school let out to give my kids the gifts we (read: I) threw together at the last minute came up with for Teacher Appreciation week so they could personally deliver them to their beloved teachers, I was caught waiting with you two in the hallway.

There was brief interaction with me as one of you remembered that I had helped out with --what was it? The Newsletter three or four years ago? There in the hallway, I didn't mention that I had happily resigned my board position halfway through M's kindergarten year because I was appalled at the gossip and back-stabbing and sheer meanness that occurred at board meetings. Instead, I simply mentioned that I just had too much on my plate to be on the board anymore, but *big smile* I was still a member! You quickly lost interest in me and turned to each other to discuss an upcoming meeting and the latest drama that was unfolding with so-and-so who was "trying to play games."

Which really is fine, because it reminded me why I support the PTA only by giving you my $6.00 at the beginning of each and every school year in exchange for my card-carrying status, and pimp my kids out every other month to sell lots of crap-tastic wrapping paper and cookie dough, all in the name of school fundraising (only to earn even crappier prizes). AND THAT'S ALL.

But I digress.

As I stood there within a foot of your backsides, holding a pretty little potted mini-rose in my daughter's favorite color, complete with a card lovingly signed by her with a gift certificate inside for a local smoothie place (it's getting HOT here, people!), this is the conversation I was forced into had the pleasure of overhearing (after you finished snarking about some poor PTA mom and one of you glanced at me, holding K's gift -- although I wasn't included in said conversation because Why on earth would you do that when I am the only other person standing right next to you in the hallway?):

Mom #1: I got one of those edible fruit bouquets for Daughter's teacher this year. I think it was delivered on Monday. It was so cute, with an "A+" balloon and everything!

Mom #2: Oh, how sweet!

Mom #1: Yeah, the pineapple in the center was cut into the shape of an apple! Isn't that genius?!

Mom #2: It is simply amazing what they can do with fruit!

Mom #1: Yeah, those edible arrangements are such a great gift. They're really expensive, but so worth it!

Mom #2: This year, Son did something so cute for his teacher, Ms. B. He told her on Monday that she is the "Queen Bee" and he gave her a tiara to wear all week.

Mom #1: Really?

Mom #2: And he's given her a gift every single day. . .

Thank goodness K's class walked back from Library just then. It was just in time for me to give my (in your eyes) clearly pathetic little flower and envelope to my kid to give to her teacher.

But you know what? K's face lit up when she saw me and she was thrilled to give her teacher a present. A small token of her appreciation.

And her teacher was thrilled to get it.

And K and I left the school hand in hand with you, PTA Moms, in our dust.