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K was playing outside this afternoon and came back in, shortly after going out.
"Are you done? Is no one else outside?" I asked.
Yes, there were a handful of neighbor kids playing outside. But . . .
One of the kids (about seven years old) apparently had a toy cell phone, and was holding it down by his crotch and saying "My p---- is ringing!" (I'm editing because I don't want keywords and searches for such things leading HERE. We are a family blog, folks. Ahem.) He was also calling names and cussing--lightweight cussing, but bad words, nonetheless. There were no adults outside at the time to witness this kid in all his glory.
So K came in. Which, really, I am proud of her for making that decision. She removed herself form an uncomfortable and --frankly-- a bad situation. And she didn't tattle, she told me what had happened when I asked.
So now what do I do? Here's the thing:
Number One: If MY kids were acting that way and talking like that, I most certainly would want to know about it because letmetellyouwhat, there would be some serious consequences. BUT
Number Two: I'm a little intimidated by this family because of some things I've seen and even some interactions I've had with them . . . really I just try to avoid more than a friendly-wave-when-we're-driving-away relationship. And to be honest, I don't know that such behavior would be considered such a bad thing in their estimation. I mean, Jeff and I have witnessed some, ahhhhh, questionable behavior on the part of the adults, so it makes me wonder if acting like that would simply be chalked up to "he's just being a boy!" So I try not to judge, but at the same time, I need to be aware of what my kids could possibly be exposed to, which is why my radar is kind of on high alert whenever they're outside.
By the way, The kids are well taken care of and clearly loved. I'm not insinuating that there is any neglect or abuse, just a COMPLETELY different parenting style than my own.
So what do you think? Should I talk to the mom and risk the wrath (or indifference?) of an irritated neighbor? Should I just let it go considering that our kids don't play a TON with this child, and I could easily *limit* playtime without making a big deal of it to my kids? I did talk to K and told her that she was right to walk away from a situation where she was not comfortable, and I encouraged her to always do that . . . but I don't necessarily want to forbid her to play with this kid--she's still too young to handle that tactfully.
What would YOU do? Please advise.
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I think for now I would leave it be...I'm not one for confrontation and this would put any parent on the defense. If this happened continually or got suddenly much more offensive I might say something. I think you did the important thing and talk to your daughter about it, and obviously she understands how to handle a situation like this. To me that is more important (at this point) than trying to approach his parents (again...unless it escalates or gets so frequent your poor daughter can't go outside)
sounds like K definitely knows what time it is! which of course means you totally rock as a mom!!
because, like Liz said, that's the important part here.
unless it gets out of hand again, then you just might have to say something. :(
until then i'd just try to keep her away from the little potty mouth as much as i could.
it's great that she can decide for herself that that's not cool. but as a kid, she doesn't need the stress of that when she's just trying to go outside to play!
what's wrong with people? i don't even let my kids say the word stupid. it just repulses me.
anyhow, i can't believe your baby is due in just 73 days!!
how come only other people's pregnancies seem to go by so fast??
If you're going to go through the hassle of talking to the mom, you might as well start preparing to pull your kids out of public school. Undoubtedly, Mitchell has probably already been exposed to that stuff (and just shrugged it off, not bothering to tell you), and it won't be long before Kat hears likewise on the playground.
Seems like Kat knows it was bad, and that's definitely the most important thing. And it would be a good opportunity to reinforce any number of topics...
I think you have done your job right. K knew this was wrong and walked away. She was praised and that is wonderful. Just keep telling her she knows what is best and no worries. I would not worry about the other mom. We have a family like that and I just hope my little one does the same thing.
I would leave it alone as well . . . but I wouldn't let my kids play with this child again - but unknowingly to them!!
I would leave it alone as well. If it happens again or if you witness it yourself, then it may be time to inform the parent.
I'm with everyone else. Tactfully keep your kids away from the potty mouth but if you happen to see him doing it again, you might have a talk with the mom.
If this was me, I would probably just make sure that my kids new it was wrong. I think that is really all you can do.
Different parenting style's stink!!! I wish everyone was just normal parents like us, then the world would be a MUCH saner place. I am currently dealing with a "differen't parenter" too and it's a nightmare. I think the best thing to do is what you are doing. Let your kids know you expect different from them and you may have to limit play time with that little boy. It sounds like the parents wouldn't really think anything of it and would probably just be offended instead of wanting to curb their child's language. May the force be with you.
Yep I'm with the majority. I think you handled it perfectly and you clearly raised your little girl well. Encourage her to react that way ANY time she feels uncomfortable!
Yay for Kat and you. Obviously you have done a great job teaching her how to handle her self in bad situations when you're not there, and she handled it beautifully.
That is what is truly important, because as much as we would like to, we can't always keep our kids from being exposed to behavior that is not apropriate.
Job well done to both of you Girls.
Yay for Kat. She is such a cutie. So sensitive and fragile. You and Jeff are obviously doing great teaching her what's right and what's wrong.
Why, oh why do these things have to be on a mother's agenda??!!
Sounds like you're doing the best thing...lotsa talkin' to your kids. Lit'l less play time with the neighbor boy.
Good Luck! Wish you were our neighbors...here in the MotherLand, of course. :)
I think talking to your child like you did is the best thing. Who knows how the parents of crotch phone boy will react and it doesn't seem worth it at this point.
Cute blog, I am now a follower! Anyway, I dont have older kids I have never had this situation but this is my opinion.
1. I would be weary of future contact with the kids, but you said they don't hang often so that's a good thing.
2. you ALREADY have the child who made the smart choice, so by telling her and confirming her good choices will help he to do the same in the future... which is more of a lesson to her than just telling the mom.
3. I hate conforntation ... and neighbors that HOLD GRUDGES.
So I would wait it out and see if it happens again, if your daughter was exposed to more than WORDS next time that's more of an action plan... but knowing your daughter made the smart choice and left is a good comfort that she will continue to do the right thing.
that's my 2 cents.!
glad I found you, Brandy
or so that you found me.
Seeing as I am not a parent yet (4 months to go) I don't have a lot of experienced advice, but an episode from the Brady Bunch comes to mind... Your daughter has a good head on her shoulders... I would let it be, she WILL hear those things once in a while, and she seems to know how to handle herself when she doesn't feel comfortable in a situation... Let her make her choices and praise her when she makes the right ones! You are doing a good job by her already if she knows how to walk away like that :) Good job!
Sounds like you've taught your children well, and you respect other people's parenting styles, so to keep peace just leave it be. It doesn't sound like it would change much, but might cause trouble.
I see you all the time on other's blog's so it's nice to actually 'meet' you! Thanks so much for stopping by on my special SITS day!
Mmmm... this is a tough one... because I have two that would never do something like that and one who I am sure probably would. And I would be mortified. But I would want to know about it.
If it were MEEEEE.....
I would say something to the mom along the lines of, "My daughter came in and didn't want to say anything about your kid's behavior, but when I pressed her, she told me about some kinda inappropriate stuff your son was doing with a toy cell phone. And some language he was using. And, maybe, if he's going to play around her, could he try to be a good role model for her? I'd like her to see men as gentlemen."
I know that is kinda confrontational, and by now (my comment is so late) the whole thing has probably blown over.
I don't think there's anything wrong with telling the mom to intervene in her own kids' behavior, I just think it is a thin line between being tactful and being tacky. It's a rare person who can communicate to another mom about that child's behavior without offending the mom. Good luck with that one!
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